Order of Business
by MetaDash
Summary: Soren calls the company together to discuss a few matters. Now if only some of them can stop getting off-topic and pay attention...post Radiant Dawn, spoilers for FE10. Mentioned Mia/Rhys, Boyd/Mist, and Ike/Soren. One-shot.


**Order of Business**

"Come, everyone, company meeting!"

The Greil Mercenaries were a well-known bunch: being based in Crimea, they contributed both to the war against Ashnard's Daein and alliance with the Laguz against Begnion, which later turned into a full-scale conflict against the Goddess herself.

But once it was all over, they all elected to go back to their usual lives.

"You sound more impatient than ever, Soren."

Ike - their leader since Greil's untimely demise years ago - was strong, blunt with his words, but kind all the same.

"Because some of us-" he gave a pointed look to Boyd and Gatrie "-don't take these meetings seriously as they should. Besides, there's a LOT to cover."

Soren was the company's strategist, and arguably had the sharpest tongue. That didn't defer his cool-headed nature and close friendship with Ike.

"Don't worry, Soren, I'll make sure everyone pays attention."

Titania was a veteran of the company - both Ike's and his father's lieutenant - and her skill on horseback was as known as her signature red hair. She was the oldest (physically) and acted as a pseudo-mother for many.

"Shall I put on the tea?"

Mist was Ike's younger sister, and one of their two healers. What she lacked in physical power she had purity, honesty, and her mother's temperament.

"Yes, this is going to take a while."

"Aw why do you say that? Boss, isn't this just a five minute kinda deal?"

Mia was their newest recruit (in the Mad King's War), but she had been with the group for years, that she practically had been there since the beginning. She loved training as much she loved challenging Ike to random duels.

"I don't think so, Mia."

"Well, we're all here."

Then you had Oscar, someone calming, someone dependable, someone polite. A former Crimean knight, he left the knighthood to take care for his brothers - the hot-headed Boyd and young but earnest Rolf.

"Yawn….wait to ruin my nap, shortie."

Shinon was another veteran, someone who had little patience and lots of sour moods. It took a while for him to even recognize Ike as the commander, as he respected his father a lot more. But his skill with the bow was unparalleled.

"Don't start with me, Shinon."

"Yeah pay attention for once, you might learn something!"

Gatrie was an armored knight - a self-proclaimed ladies' man that could break through Shinon's hard shell.

"That's really rich, coming from you."

"C-Can we not fight so early?"

Rhys was their second healer, but far more experienced than Mist. Of course, he had a weak constitution, but he tried to keep the peace whenever he could.

"Alright alright, everyone sit down," Ike instructed. "What's the first item on the agenda, Soren?"

"Glad you asked. We've saved up quite a bit, and we finally have enough funds to take a well-deserved vacation," he announced.

Cheers and congratulations went around the table. Even Shinon looked pleased.

"So where should we go?"

"Crimea!"

"….Mist, we _live_ in Crimea."

"No, I mean to see the countryside! We're so used to the hustle and bustle of the cities, visiting Queen Elincia…."

"Pass. I know! Let's go to Phoenicis!" Boyd leaned back in his chair. "None of us have been, and I'm sure King Tibarn would let us in…"

"Hard pass. I'm not spending my free time with sub-"  
"Shinon if you finish that sentence, I'm going to punch you. You took those tolerance classes for a reason, right?" The mercs were allies of the Laguz, although Shinon couldn't quite remove his prejudice.

"Feh. You get what I mean, greenhorn. They all can fly. None of us can, so getting around would be a bitch and a half."

"Shinon, do you mind the language?" Titania scolded.

"Nah, I'm good."

"Moving on…..Mia?"

"Hmmmmmmmm…." The swordswoman snapped her fingers. "How about a secluded island? No one to bother us, sunshine….and plenty of training time!"

"Mia, do you remember the classes _you_ took?"

"N-Not every moment has to be swordplay, I know…"

Gatrie chimed in with his own suggestion: "I like the island idea, but it needs a place with cute girls, too! Can you imagine it, them relaxing and showing off some skin?"

"I'll take Shinon's bigotry over that, thank you," said a disgusted Soren. "Rolf?"

"Well I don't really care, as long as I'm with you guys! After all, what's a vacation if we're not together?"  
"Well said," Oscar said. He smiled at his younger brother.

"I guess we have to table this for later." Ike shook his head. "I don't know where to go either, some people are still rebuilding. So what's next?"

Soren nodded, and got to the task of putting up detailed charts on the wall. They all measured each member's performance versus the time they took on missions.

"Our name has spread to the corners of the continent, and everyone has commissioned us for jobs. Quite a few of us have done things solo, so I thought I'd measure productivity."

"And?" Boyd was already seeing if his numbers were better than Ike's.

"Well, Ike, Titania, and Shinon seem to be the most accurate - they have the lowest time. Mist, you and Rolf are improving nicely; the figures are better than last month."

The youngest members of the company gave each other a high five.

"Rhys, your time is excessive, but given your weakness, that's alright. Perhaps we should switch your designated partner?"

"No way!" Mia banged the table. "I gotta be with Rhys, he's my good luck charm! Besides, as my rival, I have to know where he is at all times!"  
Her life's goal was to seek out a "white-clad" rival. Poor Rhys fit the description, even though he couldn't really fight.

"I don't mind traveling with Mia."

"Then why does it take you so long? Her too, for that matter?"

"Easy, Soren!" Mia stood up. "First, I always stretch to make sure I don't pull something. Then, I make sure my blade is sharpened JUUUUST right! Too blunt and it won't win! Too sharp, and well, I could cut off Gatrie's pants again…."

"I swear, those heart boxers aren't mine!"

Shinon sneered. "Then why are you wearing them?"

"For a friend."

"You're an idiot."

"Just speed it up," Soren instructed, trying to remove the image of Gatrie in his underwear. "As for Oscar, Boyd, and myself….we're doing on par."

"On par?! Why am I not as good as Ike?"

Next came up a new set of graphs - each member's performance versus the damages they caused. Boyd easily had the most in the latter category, followed by Mia and Shinon.

"Hey! I'm not as reckless as Boyd!" the marksman grumbled.

"Yes, but you've very non-caring about some missions."

"Am I really supposed to care when an old lady wants me to get a cat out of her tree? Child's play!"  
"You almost skinned the cat alive."

Ike and the others smirked. Shinon shot them all a glare.

"Let's do something more positive!" Mist, who had left the room to get the tea, came back with a bag of mail. "Let's RSVP!"

 _"Excuse_ me?"

The first stack was wedding invitations, and she passed them to Ike. The commander cycled through them, some catching his eye more oddly than others, but he scratched his head.

"We're not really wedding people, are we, Titania?"

"Well, it's common courtesy. We've made so many allies this past few years! Who's inviting us?"

Already Shinon looked bored out of his mind.

"First up is Queen Elincia and….Geoffrey. Huh. I guess that makes a lot of sense."

"How sweet! We have to go, Ike!" Mist exclaimed. "After all she's done for us…."

"Yeah, sounds reasonable to me."  
"Man! I thought the Queen had the hots for you, Ike," a confused Boyd said.

"….why did you think that?"

"Yeah, greenhorn has the sex appeal of a cactus." That earned Shinon a painful elbow hit from Titania. "Ugh, who else is there?"

"Astrid and Makalov."

"Nooooo!" Gatrie looked so upset. "Not my dearest Astrid! I thought her and I had something! I mean, I'm better than Makalov, right guys?"  
"Nobody answer that," said Shinon.

"It is a pretty odd pairing, but I'm sure Marcia will keep her brother in line. Besides, they're all Crimean knights. One knight supporting another!" Oscar then hoped Kieran's name wasn't going to come up.

Instead it was: "Micaiah and Sothe."

"Sothe sure is lucky! Started off as a two-bit thief, now he's gonna be King of Daien!" Mia smiled. "We gotta support him!"

"And Lady Micaiah!" Rolf added. "Without her, well where we would be?"

"Think you're exaggerating a bit, Rolf." Shinon sat up. "Anyways, ain't she a Branded? That means she'll stay youthful while Sothe gets older….damn, he really is lucky."

"Why, Shinon, are you admitting someone with laguz blood is attractive?"

"Don't put words in my mouth!"

"I'll tell you who IS attractive….that cutie Lyre!" Gatrie nodded. "I might have lost Astrid, but there's still a good chance I can win her heart!"

"Speaking of…." Mist dug through the bag. "Yep, this is for you!"

"Hot dog! Give it here, Mist!" An excited Gatrie practically tore open the letter to revel in its contents. His eyes scanned the scribbled words, and his face lit up….before deflating, somewhat. "Oh….h-huh…."

Naturally Shinon swiped the letter, and burst out laughing when he read it.

"What's so funny?" Ike asked.

"Hahaha…..well, I don't know, should I even read this? Cover the kids' ears."  
"Hey!" Rolf protested while Mist complied. Dramatically, Shinon cleared his throat and read the letter - Gatrie wasn't in the mood to fight him for it.

 _"Dear Gatrie,  
I really enjoyed our little fun at that party. Who knew beorc men were so good in the sack? I'd love to see you again, but let's make it __**more**_ _fun! With say…..another guy?  
Meow~"_

"Did she really write meow?" a bewildered Rhys asked.

"Is that really your first question?" Oscar shook his head. "Monkey's paw in full effect, I suppose."

"…yeah, I'll do it. I'll DO IT!" Gatrie shouted. "I'm not gonna lose this chance!"

"Permission to not discuss this anymore? I've learned enough about Gatrie for one day," Soren said, shuffling through the rest of the invitations. "Ah, here's one for Leanne and Naesala…."

"Shrimp, why do you have to be such a buzzkill?" Shinon crumpled up Lyre's letter _[Gatrie: "Stop, I need her address!"]_ "What good is being in a company if we can't break each other's balls?"

"Ahem."

"Stones? Oh wait, lady parts."

Titania facepalmed. At her gesture, Ike uncovered Mist's ears while Boyd uncovered Rolf's.

"It's not that, I just have no patience for cheap innuendos. We've still got a lot to cover." He gave a look to Ike….who understood immediately.  
"Soren, I don't think-"

"Ike." Soren cleared his throat. "Company fraternization. We're all close, but what happens when it goes a little….deeper?"

"Well Mr. Casanova over there is covered," snarked Shinon. "Why bring this up?"

"Because I-"

"I admit it!" Rhys turned bright red. "There's a good reason why I enjoy Mia's company….w-we've kissed a couple of times. I'm sorry Soren, it's not proper."

"Awww don't apologize!" Mia hugged him. "Everyone knows the best kind of the rival is someone you're all lovey-dovey to. You're a sweet guy, Rhys."

"Mia…."

"Congratulations!" Titania said. "Take good care of him, Mia, hehe…"

"Well she has a wedding date now," remarked Oscar. "I suppose we'll have to find ones ourselves, right Boyd?"  
"Says you, I'm taking Mist."

"B-Boyd!"

Ike frowned. "Boyd….you and….my _sister?"_

"Chill out, Ike, I'm a respectful guy! I would never do something bad, the Commander would rise up from the grave and strangle me!"

"Ike….don't be mad, okay? It's only been a few dates here and there…."

Ignoring Mist, he was staring holes into the titan's head. "Boyd….you better know what you're doing. I trust you, and I trust Mist, but if I hear some foul play….."  
"I-I'm gone from the company?"  
"No, I'll just kick your _ass_. You know how strong I am."

Boyd gulped. "Sure thing."

"Ike…." Soren rubbed his temple. "Don't forget-"

"Heyyyy!" Rolf picked up another wedding envelope. "This is from…..huh? I can't tell who wrote this. It's all in….scribbles…." he opened it up. "What! The whole thing is like this…."

Oscar peeked over. "It looks like the Ancient Language, but Lady Leanne's letter is over there."

"Because-" Ike opened it up. "Yeah, Nealuchi wrote this. Leanne is still learning our tongue, and knowing Naesala, he's not the type to write letters anyways."

"Then it must be Volug. Ah! That means it's from Queen Nailah!" Rolf turned the letter every which way. "Oh, she wrote something on the back."

 **Sorry about that, Greil Mercenaries. I forgot Volug doesn't know your tongue.**

"It must be for her and Prince Rafiel!" Mist took the letter. "Yes, his name's right here! Awww!"

"What? How the hell does that even work? She's a no-nonsense su- _laguz_ , and he's so frail."

Titania pointed to Rhys and Mia.

"Come on, Rhys could take a _bird_ in a fight."

"I most assuredly could not!" Rhys was horrified. "Besides, I could never harm a heron."

"Well I could definitely take Queen Nailah!" Mia boasted. "She looks like she'd be a tough opponent!"

"Mia, this is the same person that was clawing the Order like they were tin cans. Her, Tibarn, King Caineghis…" Ike thought of the mighty beast king "…they're all on another level."

"Ya think so, Boss?"

"…..what would their kids look like?"

Silence.

"W-What?"

Boyd finished his tea. "Yeah, I mean, they're of two different laguz types. A beast, and a bird. Maybe their kids would have wings and fur! Double the advantages!"

"Pick up a damned biology book one of these days, Boyd."

"There any other invitations, Mist?"

"No, it looks like….oh! Yes…..it's from Bastion and Lucia!" She pulled out the letter.

"How do we keep getting invited to these things?" asked Shinon. "I'm not surprised if the cat lady and her crusty old neighbor gave her something."

"Actually…."

Shinon spat out his drink.

"Mist, surely we have other correspondence than just wedding favors?" Soren asked. He would save his announcement for the end, if everyone was getting distracted.

"Sure, sure…." Mist pulled out a package. "It's for all of us! Oh, and there's a letter attached….

 _Dear Greil Mercenaries,  
We never talked ya properly for saving our country again! So, we wanted to sent ya a little somethin', me and Nephenee. Hope you enjoy it!_

 _-Brom"_

Curiously, she opened the package…to reveal a pile of potatoes.

"Really? People are sending us vegetables now?"

"The letter says they're the best potatoes in Crimea…."

Each member took one and looked them over; Boyd was the one to take the plunge and try a bite. "Whoa! Brom wasn't kidding guys!"

"Boyd, you're supposed to wash potatoes first…" Oscar sighed. "I suppose I can use them for today's dinner."

"One more letter! It's for you Ike!"

"Me?" Ike took the envelope, and nearly groaned when he saw who it was from - Aimee. "Does she not know how to take a hint…..Soren, you read it."

"If you insist," came the reply. Soren scanned the letter's contents, and debated on whether or not to throw the letter into the fire right then and there.  
"Ahem…. _Dearest Ike,_

 _Remember when I said I've got my eye on you? Well even now, I haven't forgotten about you, handsome. And like I promised, the four corners of Tellius know about our little song and dance. So modest, trying to push me away. But I can tell you were just too shy. Perhaps some morale boost is in order….so I've started a little fanclub for you! And boy, is membership growing. We'll be seeing each other…very soon…._

 _-Love,  
Aimee"_

Ike had his head buried into the table. Soren crumbled up the letter.

"I don't want a fanclub and I don't want Aimee poking around."

"Not her fault you're so popular, brother!" Mist giggled. "I wonder if we all have fans now…"

"I hope not. I'm with Ike, I don't want all of that extra attention!" said Rhys. "You didn't tell her you weren't interested?"

"I _did_ , several times. That woman is insane…."

Gatrie wagged his finger. "I say embrace it, Ike. Nothing wrong with being a local celebrity! You're a hero, you've earned your keep."

"That breeds devotion and fanaticism," Soren argued. "Ike's just a mercenary, he's not trying to be the next king or something."

"Let's just move on," Ike groaned. "Vacation, performance, and mail, what's next on the list?"

"Expense reports." Soren went around the table to give everyone a copy of the detailed breakdown. "We're making more than we spend, but that's not going to continue if we buy things we don't need."

"I only buy weapons. And some booze."

"You don't need booze, Shinon."

"Why don't you just ask me to watch paint dry while you're at it?"

Titania clicked her tongue. "You have a habit of drinking too much, Shinon. You need to cut back, for your health."

"Bah."

"And Mia, you're not allowed to buy things by yourself anymore."

"What?! Why not?" she squeaked.

Soren pointed to the corner of the room - a rather odd statue of a dog butler was sitting there, tongue hanging out. " _That'_ s why."

"But Soren, it was only 70,000 gold! The vendor said he normally sells it for 700,000, and it would be a once in a lifeti….ohhhhhh!"

"We don't even have any _pets_ ," Ike pointed out.

"Oooh! Can Mist and I get a hamster?" Rolf asked.

"No."

"No."

"No!"

"Why would you want a furry rodent anyways? Isn't that we have su….lag…Gallians?"

"Cute, Shinon," Soren said sarcastically. "We also should not waste food, so Boyd…don't challenge Ike to eating contests."

"Even if I win?"

"Especially if you win. Last time you proceeded to throw most of up ten minutes later, and who was in charge of cleaning it up?"

"Oscar?"

His brother grimaced. "For my part, I'll be sure to use more food before it goes bad."

"Excellent. That's all I have to comment on, so we may move to the next item."

Next Soren put a box onto the table. Stuffed inside were suggestions from the whole group, and he slid it over to Ike.

"Me?"

"You're the commander. At the end of the day, any suggestion demands your approval."

Ike took out the first one. **We need better winter gear.** "Yeah, let's put some money aside to get boots and coats and stuff."

 **Perhaps to raise morale, everyone can participate in early morning meditation exercises.**

"But I like sleep!" Boyd grumbled. "Plus some of us are late risers, you know?"

"I'm not exactly early myself…."

 **Tell Gatrie to stop stealing my booze.**

Shinon looked pointedly at his friend.

 **If a tree falls in the middle of a forest, and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?** "W-What? What kind of suggestion is that?"

"It's not, and it's a dumb question," Soren huffed. "Just because someone is around to hear, that doesn't mean it makes no sound."

"Yeah, but….there's no one to say that. It could make a secret sound….?"

"Rolf, are you serious? There would be animals running away in fear, if it fell. Who's knocking down trees anyways?"

"Okay, so it's like a sound that's there….but also not there, in our ears," was Mia's logic. "I like it!"

"No, that's….that's not the point of the question! It's a brain teaser, like…if the red man lives in the red castle, and the blue man lives in the blue castle, who lives in the white castle?"

Oddly thinking of hamburger meat, Boyd answered: "A white man, obviously!"

"No Boyd, the _Queen_ lives in a white castle. The other two men are there to make your brain associate color with living space."

"…well that's stupid."

"I've got another! Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Soren facepalmed. "Gatrie, a joke is not the same as a riddle. Definitely not an overplayed joke like that."

"But why did he? To get to the other side?" Rolf wondered. "That's why anyone crosses roads. Does the chicken have the farmer?"

"Hey, maybe the farmer's Brom!"

"NO!" Soren banged the table. "The joke is that it's _not_ a joke. It's anti-humor! The question is set up like a punchline, but the person gives a very de-facto answer."

"….. _you're_ a de-facto answer…."

Titania was the save. "Any more suggestions, Ike?"

"Uhhhh…..it's all just drunken scribbles or people just telling others what to do."  
"Essentially missing the point of a _suggestion_ box."

"You're in rare form today, shortie." Shinon recognized some of the drunken scribbles - his. "What's got you so riled up?"

"It's….nothing."

Ike caught the dejection of his look, and resolved to make it right. "No, it's not nothing. Everyone….Soren and I….."

"Yeah yeah, we know boss, you're more than friends. Tell us something we don't know!" Mia exclaimed.

"Oh, so it's a lovers' spat? I'm Team Ike!"

"Wait wait, how did you guys know?"

"Ike…..it was pretty obvious. Many of our allies in the war were always asking us about you two," said Titania. "And we support you! I don't know why you had to be so secretive."

"Guess that means it's up to Mist to pass down the Commander's blood. Works for me!" Shinon laughed.

"Wait….when? When did you guys figure it out?!"

"One, two…..four years ago?"  
"FOUR?!"

Ike and Soren were stunned.

"C'mon, what's next? The sun's going down!"

"That's….about it…." The bewildered strategist said. "To be honest, I was expecting more of a fuss."

"Well not all of us like to fixate on your personal lives 24/7, shortie. Who really cares? C'mon, Rolf, let's go for some quick hunting."  
"Yes sir!"

"I'll get to work on these potatoes then….Titania, can you help me?"  
"Sure, Oscar."

"I'll RSVP to the weddings!" Mist practically bounced down the hall with the letters in hand.

"Hey, Boyd, let's spar! Let's take Rhys with us so he can heal us up…."

"And I'll make my fantasy come true!" Gatrie announced, Lyre's letter in hand. "Err….well, not so much the extra man part but….well, beggers can't be choosers!"

That left just Ike and Soren in the room.

"Well…..apparently I misjudged the company's priorities."

"Y'know, maybe you should join that fanclub."

"Not on your life."

 **FIN**

* * *

 **Ending notes: Something I felt like cobbling together, since I'm playing Radiant Dawn on Hard Mode now (with the intention of getting the second playthrough stuff which I already know about but still). FE10 is easily top 3 for me.**

 **Dunno when the next FE-themed one-shot will be, but I have a few ideas floating around. Let's hope we get FE16 news soon, hmm?**

 **Hope you enjoyed!**


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